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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN CALGARY :
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 Posted: Sun Apr 29th, 2007 03:09 am
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN CALGARY :

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "CAL-GREE". 

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On Deerfoot, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered "Wussy". 

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, Hamptons , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Calgary . Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more construction starts everyday. 

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items. 

9. 16th Ave, TransCanada, and “Hwy #1” are the same road. 

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated." 

 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot. 

 12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.

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 Posted: Sun Apr 29th, 2007 08:25 am
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Suddenly Vancouver doesn't seem so bad. Actually, we are far worse off than anyone in Alberta (South of Edmonton.)  Edmonton is a hole, and it's people are slobs and thugs. Worst drivers I have ever seen in my whole life


 

Last edited on Sun Apr 29th, 2007 08:26 am by OutWest

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 Posted: Mon Apr 30th, 2007 08:41 am
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OutWest

 

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Some of them, in fact many of them come here and have to adjust to driving on the right side of the road.

 Asian kids drive like idiots, street racing.. but their parents tend to forget that when making a left turn, YOU MAKE THE TURN... don't just sit there

Vancouver Richmond, and Burnaby are about 45-50% Asian. I don't blame them for the traffic problems... I blame lousy planning and too much beaurocracy

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 Posted: Tue May 1st, 2007 02:42 am
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I just came accross this one in Urban Dictionary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Asian

ASIAN:
In the United States, the most common use of the word refers to people originating from East and Southeast Asia (China, Japan, South/North Korea, Vietnam, among others). Indians and Pakistanis might be referred to as South Asians, where as Filipinos and Samoans might be called Pacific Islanders.

In England, "asian" most commonly refers to people of Indian or Pakistani descent, whereas "oriental" might refer to East and Southeast Asians (NOTE: "oriental" is certainly considered politically incorrect in the United States).

Regarded as worst drivers in the world, right next to old people.

Driving apart asians are usually smart and have the following aspects although not limited to:
1. straight A's
2. strict parents
3. good at Math and Science
4. superb SAT and ACT scores
5. Ivy League college oriented
6. some can break dance and rap
7. good at video games
8. generally dominates at anything they set out to do

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 Posted: Tue May 1st, 2007 03:02 am
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OutWest

 

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1. straight A's
2. strict parents
3. good at Math and Science


Agreed. They do what we used to do 80 yrs ago. Work their butts off. Their collective IQ is likely (IMO) 4-5 points higher than in America. What we need is their work ethic... Just for one year... Even for just one semester.

Generally, they honor their father and mother. Something Canada and the US has strayed far from. In fact, they overdo that one, IMO as often they are told to be doctors and dentists... instead of studying music, or whatever their heart's passion is

 

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 Posted: Sat Jul 21st, 2007 12:36 am
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Lord of Midian

 

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You forgot the following rules:

1) Yield signs: if one is for you, it actually means that thru traffic--especially when averaging 200kph--always has to slam to a dead stop for YOU, even if it causes a 100-vehicle pile-up.

2)Merge--slow to crawl, wait to be let in; if no-one does, honk and go ape**BLEEP**. Don't they realise how important YOU are??!! Those damned proles!--basically a variation of the above, with an even larger dose of self-importance.

2a) Stop in free-flow lanes. The heavier the traffic, the harder you slam on your brakes.

3) NEVER EVER EVER use indicators, no matter what.

4) Right lane is for passing, left lane is for blocking at 20 kph below posted.

5) Always slam to a dead stop on Deerfoot Tr/Hwy 2 for no real reason...just because.

6) Run red lights even if it kills some-/everybody, but when you're stopped and the light changes, take forever to even realise that you should move. Finish your mobile phone conversation first. Once moving, take 20 minutes to accelerate up to freeway speed.

7) Hog the passing lane, no matter what.

8) While doing (7), match speeds exactly with anyone in the lanes beside you, and leave no side-to-side clearance so that way no-one can get around you to save their ass for the next half-hour.

9) Don't bother shoulder-checking or using mirrors. They'll always move out of YOUR way. Always. Those reflective glassy-things are just there for aesthetic reasons.

10) The larger/heavier the truck, the closer you should come to tearing his fenders off when cutting him off, and the slower you should go when jumping in front of him from a dead stop. Remember rule (3), and be advised: Bonus points for causing a jacknife, or any such move done in front of 63,500 kg (~140,000 lbs.) Super-B trains or 35+ metre long turnpike-double trains.

Speaking of lights:

Am I the only one here who thinks the stoplights in this city are deliberately unsynchronised, which forces you to spend more time stopped/bunched up, wasting that much more time and fuel...? Example: all the no-longer-really-new overpasses on Crowchild Tr., EVERY time you come up to them, even if the light's been green forever, it ALWAYS changes. This cannot be coincidental...remember who owns this city, lock, stock, and--pun intended--barrel.

In all my travels as a trucker, I can categorically say that Alberta drivers in general, and Calgarians in particular, are the stupidest, most ignorant, irresponsible, and criminally incompetent drivers in North America...give me driving in Montreal anyday! Yes, I'm serious...at least traffic tries to keep moving there, and they like driving fast...

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 Posted: Sat Jul 28th, 2007 02:56 pm
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Lord of Midian

 

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Yup, got it: see rule (6).

Your typical heavy truck (~37000 kg GVW) needs about 1 minute to accelerate to 100 kph on flat ground (providing it's powered and geared properly). Why then, do these insects in 600-horsepower SUVs, M-Spec' BMWs, AMG Mercedes' and other all-money-and-penis-issues machines take twice that to get up to 60-70? In an 80 zone???!! In the passing lane??!!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH, I HATE THESE **BLEEP**ING IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!

 

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 Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 10:54 pm
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Lord of Midian

 

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True, but traffic on that side road is often moving alot faster than 80, too. Even though that is, I believe, the (deliberately under-)posted limit, no?

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 Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 11:04 pm
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Lord of Midian

 

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digger wrote: I don’t know about Vancouver, but in Calgary most of the bad driving is down to the Asians. For some reason they just have no road sense whatsoever.  Perhaps its due to the fact not many of them drive cars back in china or maybe it’s a peripheral vision thing.  :dude:

Not quite so, mate: ALL Calgary drivers are complete idiots. Hey, after hydrogen, stupidity is the most common element in the universe, so it fits that it is a truly "egalitarian/inclusive" quality, eh?

But, yes, the Asians are especially bad. But who's just as bad or worse? How 'bout (a highly condensed list):

1) Women in SUVs--any race/demographic. Utterly myopic. It's like the range of their vision ends 20 cm in front of their noses, and their peripheral range is zero.

2) East Indians, especially the cab drivers, who are downright **BLEEP**ing dangerous. And all seven of "Apu's" brothers, too!*

3) Any well-off, white male who thinks he's the re-incarnation of Ayrton Senna just because he can afford a Porsche, BMW M-spec', Ferrari, or (insert favourite cliche'd rich jerktard status symbol here)...

4) Any NOT well-off white--or any other--male who's a wannabe of the above, and thus all the worse, as he's overcompensating for not being it.

Let's just face it: Calgarians in general are some of the most ignorant drivers in Canada, probably even worse than Americans, which is saying something.

*That comment probably won't make me any new friends, but there it is.

 

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 Posted: Fri Dec 28th, 2012 12:42 am
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Lord of Midian

 

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Cessez le spam, et disparaissent la baise vous-même , vous chatte inutile.

Did I say that right? Hope so.

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 Posted: Wed Jan 22nd, 2014 10:49 pm
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Calgaryfurnacecleaning1

 

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We should follow all rules.

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 Posted: Fri Dec 25th, 2015 02:17 am
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fifacome72

 

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the only person you really see on TV is the rider, which is why people think we're much more important than the rest of the team, but you do need them for the bike to run properly.




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